Looking backwards pt.1

I've been thinking about getting healthy a lot, as most people do around this time of year. However, I prefer to think in terms of how far I've come.

This time last year, I had just started boot camp. I forced myself to go every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, struggling to wake myself from my afternoon nap to go. I couldn't hold a plank, I couldn't do a squat, I couldn't last the whole 20 minute work out.

This time last year, I hadn't even thought about running a marathon. I hadn't run seriously probably ever, though I had played with a jog around the block every once in a while.

This time last year, I had no idea how badly I ate. I counted calories, but I had zero idea of what actually fueled my body and why. I ate because I wanted to, not because I needed to. And I ate way too much.

This time last year I hated my body. I hated the way it looked, the way it moved, the way clothes fit it. I hated the way it felt, and I hated that I didn't know how to make it feel better.

Today, I'm upset if I miss a day at bootcamp. And when the club goes on a break, I get antsy and actually WANT to work out on my own. And I find myself needing to push harder and harder to get to the point of exhaustion. I am stronger. I am fitter. I am better every day. Today I don't need a nap, and instead find myself trying to fill in the time between work and bootcamp.

Today, I can say I've completed a marathon. Not only that, but I consider myself a runner. I don't run nearly as often as I should in the cold weather, but I'm already chomping at the bit to get out and stretch my legs with ten miles.

Today, I have a better idea of what fuels my body, and I'm not afraid to be hungry. I can actually feel the difference in my body and strength when I eat things that are bad for me, and know better what I should eat. And when.

Today, my pants are smaller, my clothes fit looser and look better. I can actually walk into a store, almost any store, and find something that fits. That fact alone makes me want to cry when I think of all the years growing up that I hated shopping because nothing fit.

My goal in starting this was to appreciate my body and what it could do for me. I have a long way to go, but sometimes we have to remember where we started in order to see that what we have left isn't as scary as what we've already accomplished.